This blog is about my different journeys with Rheumatoid Arthritis. What I want to write about today is knowing when to walk away from negative or toxic people in life. We've all had them. Friends, family, and strangers that do not understand RA, and have no intention to do so... We also have toxic people that like to cause drama, talk about you behind your back, constantly complaining about their life and taking no responsibility for their own actions. Toxic people can drain you emotionally and physically. They wear on your psyche. They don't realize the hurtful things they say to you, but will accuse you of saying hurtful things... There are people that consider friendships a contest. "Oh, so and so and I are such good friends, we talk for HOURS on the phone..." or "I have so many great friends and I do so much for them..." blah, blah, blah.
|Friendship. When do you know it's time to walk away?|
I've been dealing with certain people in my life that just do not get my disease. Even my own father. He said some hurtful things to me just the other day. You see, my mother had RA. He is constantly comparing my RA to hers. Telling me my mother just did everything even though she was in pain. She had breakfast ready every morning, had dinner on the table every night, and she just fought through any pain she had. So he was basically belittling me because I'm not like her. He's a bit delusional, because with 3 kids my mother had us doing almost everything around the house. My sister and I cleaned the house every day, cooked dinner, did the dishes, we built a huge garden in the back yard, shoveled the snow on the sidewalk, put in a ranch fence in the front yard, and many many other things. All of this when we were only 9-13 years old. Having two disabled parents, was rough on us kids. We did everything... My father fails to remember this. I am in no way saying that my mother was not in pain or that her pain was less than mine. I just think my father chose not to see how much pain she was in... I could see it, I saw the pain in her face, the long naps every afternoon, and her diminishing health. She passed away at 42 years of age. Complications from RA and her diabetes. Dealing with my father is still on the table. I love him, but he has become very difficult to talk to... He seems to not want to discuss how to bring our family together again. It is as if it is me and my sister against my dad and brother. I hate it. I want us to get along, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.
Negative friends is an entirely different aspect to deal with on a daily basis. I've had to deal with this also. I kept trying and trying to salvage this certain friendship. Someone that I truly thought was a good friend and I really cared about. I thought our friendship would continue to grow, thrive, and we would learn things from each other. I have heard straight from people's mouths that this person has talked badly about me, even though this person denied it to me. This person became so toxic to me, I was literally sick from the struggles in our friendship. This person was always complaining about their life, having no one, blaming others for the bad things happening in their life instead of taking responsibility for their actions. Talking about friends and people I care about in a negative way was the deal breaker. Catching the person in an outright lie also did not help. I said some things to this person that I am not proud of, and that also proved that this friendship was toxic. So I had to choose. Should I continue trying to make this friendship work, or should I finally end it? For my own well being and for me to stay forth on my positive journey, I have eliminated this person from my life. I no longer want the drama, the accusations, the negative energy. This person can go ahead and be friends with other negative people. Misery loves company... This was a difficult choice but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am feeling happier already! When you have RA, you have to work on your physical health along with your mental and spiritual health. That is what I am trying to do now. It is what is important to me.
I am thankful to have certain people in my life. My sister of course. I couldn't make it without her. Joan, I am so glad that you are a part of my life. You are one that inspires me and lifts me up! Paul after knowing you for the greater part of my life, I also consider you a great friend (did I really write that? LOL!) Finally, after visiting with Kevin this past week, I consider him a wonderful person and a dear friend! There are also some acquaintances that I hope will become closer friendships.
Here is a great link with great information on the subject: http://www.ridiculouslyextraordinary.com/avoid-the-unhappy-and-unlucky/
Thanks for stopping by and I hope you don't have to deal with negative people in your lives! If so, think about it and do your best to make the correct decisions to better your life.
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik